Winter Journal

Over the holidays, Max had decided to keep a journal. It was something that he could show his future children to display how cool he had been when he was young, as well as feed his own current ego, occasionally abridging the tales.

Entry 1:

Today I begin the masterful documentation of my life. You already know who I am, so I'm not going to bother writing it down here. One day my name will be so famous everyone will want to read this this journal to see if I was just as amazing as a teenager as I am when I am an adult. I am. There, I already answered the question. But to elaborate on why, here are some things that happened today.

I saw a cute girl going into a coffee shop earlier this morning. I went to follow and gratuitously open the door for her so she would notice how smooth I was, but I actually pulled the door when it was push. She laughed at me, but I'm sure it was just because of the cool way I brushed it off. I followed her inside and unfortunately ran into a chair. But it was all good, because this girl seemed to dig clumsy people. She asked my name and before I blurted out that she should already know it like some rap song, I told her. She got her coffee, and just as I got to the counter I remembered that I hate coffee. I got some hot chocolate instead, and went to go back home. No surprise, the girl followed. She went all the way to a house a few doors down from me. I best she didn't even know the people there, and just wanted to see where I lived.

And that's how I managed to impress a girl on the first day of break.

Entry 2-

Another day, another reason to document my awe-inspiring existence. I have another story for my future followers and heirs to know about.

I have a great affinity for finding things that would make me look better. I saw that someone was offering guitar lessons to new students- what a fantastic idea! I remember thinking. Someone was actually getting paid for someone to teach them how to play the guitar. I was certainly not going to be bested by my ignorant neighbor, though, and made signs advertising guitar lessons for me for five dollars more.

I only got two takers.

But that wouldn't get me down, I told myself! I couldn't let him ruin the perfect opportunity to learn guitar and get paid while doing so! Perhaps I'll simply remove the other teacher's sign... that'll get me more business.

Before I had the chance to take my neighbor's sign, my first teacher came. Imagine my surprise when this teacher was a young child! This little girl stared up at me with huge eyes and smiled innocently, saying how excited she was to learn the guitar.

I believe I may have been mistaken about how these guitar lessons are supposed to function. I wasn't supposed to be teaching guitar, but alas destiny had thrust this twist towards me! I couldn't let it be for nothing!

... I'll tell them I cannot teach guitar anymore after I get paid for the lesson. Yes, I believe that would make it worth it.

Entry 3-

I... haven't able to prove how amazing I am to anyone yet today. The guitar lessons have stopped after my student's parents realized that I wasn't teaching their children guitar. I haven't seen the neighbor girl either, so I assume she may not have been as smitten with me as I thought.

This is just nonsense! I should not let a day go by without besting someone! There has to be something I could do to assert my superiority...

Eureka! I will go volunteer at the homeless shelter. There's no one more selfless and great than someone who helps those in need!

Later-

Volunteering was most assuredly the best idea I've thought of this entire break!

When I got the homeless shelter, I was greeted by none other than my neighbor! She was very impressed that I was there to help serve dinner to those in need. I puffed out my chest and smiled proudly as I told her it was nothing. What selflessness! Surely she'll realize that we should date knowing of my greatness. I thought of ways that would make her even more enamored in me, but before that could come to fruition... DING! The dinner bell sounded and we got to work.

Suddenly, I was lavished with praise left and right!
Everyone from the shelter thanked me for my generosity and I smiled back as I served them, relishing in their adoration.

... I wasn't heartless either, you know. I put a wallet picture of my face on each of their trays. Surely they will be comforted seeing my smiling face!

I also gave them mints. Minty freshness is a great motivator! These poor people will feel less depressed about their situation with a burst of minty freshness.

Finally, I told them all I hope I never see them again!

... Because I want them all to leave and live better lives, you see.

I find it hard to believe that this level of greatness can be surpassed, but I am sure to think a better way to be better than others tomorrow!

Entry 4-

While I thought even I wouldn't surpass my superiority yesterday, it appears that I was wrong. People are certain to adore me for my heroic and noble deed today!

Yesterday, as stated, I volunteered at a food kitchen. One of the young, easy on the eyes female neighbors was volunteering at exactly the same time. Unfortunately she didn't think this was the coincidence I tried to tell her it was- she thought I had just gone to help feed the homeless because she was there and I was trying to get her to date me. All I wanted was her attention, or so she claimed despite it truly being a coincidence. She really wasn't fond of me walking her home, but what else was I going to do? We live on the same street and it's not like I was going to invite her to tea or something.

Anyway, during our designated serving hours, a family came up to get their meals. One of them was a young child. This boy couldn't have been more than 6 years old, and he looked at me like I was the savior of the universe himself! I felt proud of myself for giving this little boy a meal, you see, and when things help to inflate my reputation and ego as well as get someone to smile like that... well that's not all bad, I don't think!

After they'd eaten, the little boy came to ask me if I could teach him how to cook like I did, and help his family. Despite the fact that I didn't actually cook anything, I accepted.

I went to their house today. It was a quaint little shack- which actually means that it was a dumpy old apartment on the outskirts of downtown. But that sounds less sophisticated.

Now while I didn't know how to cook many things, I did know how to cook one thing- spaghetti!

I brought over all of the ingredients, and made sure that the water was boiling before adding the noodles. I tossed them in and thoughtlessly abandoned my wonderful creation and the little boy and I talked. How could I resist? he saw me as some superhero, and I could do nothing but agree! Would you squash the dreams of a child if they thought that way of you even if that's not actually how you are?

Then again, I am great and that probably doesn't apply to me. He would've adored me anyway, whether I'd hung out with him or not. But all of that is besides the point; we talked so long that the spaghetti burned! How uncool of me, right? The spaghetti burned and the pasta sauce was months past its expiration date.

I don't think I'll be invited to cook for them ever again.

The boy was still enamored with me, though, promising that he understood and that he would come and get dinner from me really soon.

Well, I may have used magic to place many expensive things in their house so they could sell them and that won't happen. I couldn't let a fan of mine live in such depravity, you see! It's all in an effort to prove I'm kinder and better than everyone else! I'm not kind for nothing! It's all in an effort to prove how great I am!

Though- I wouldn't mind seeing that kid again. He thought I was the best at everything. Imagine always having someone like that near your side! His bright eyes and happy smile... the way he tries his best in his bad situation.

N-No! It's just because he adores me! That's it!