Dancing Around

This would be Caleb's second year attending the Valentine's Dance. Since the first one didn't go so well, he was going to make sure this one went better. First, he didn't ask anyone to the dance, he couldn't do that again. Second, he didn't take so long to get ready, there was no one to impress. Three, he wasn't nervous. Since he had mistook Sawyer's acceptance to the dance, he couldn't go through another night like that. He had thought they were on a date when really they weren't, he was to blame for the awkward tension between them.

He could not let his negative feelings ruin his night, he was going to have fun no matter what. Even though he didn't arrive with someone, he was still going to dance with all of his friends. The person he just so happened to see first was the Montagnard quidditch captain, Marie-Laure. She didn't look too busy so he decided that now would be the perfect time to dance in case she became preoccupied with something else later that night.

"I hope I'm not stealing you away from anyone," he said in a nervous tone. Why was he suddenly nervous? Was it the fear of rejection or was he just nervous to dance with someone after last year? "But, I would like a dance please." He held out his hand for her to take, hopefully she accepted.

The Valentine's Ball was one of the few things about Beauxbatons which Marie-Laure loved and felt truly alive.  It meant the excuse to go shopping and buy something new.  The excuse to really enjoy herself and not feel stressed about things which she felt she needed to get one hundred percent correct.  

Tonight, she'd already had two dances with a couple of seventh year boys and was feeling refreshed and ready for another dance.  Something which happened almost immediately as the thought had popped into her head.  Marie-Laure looked up at Caleb and smiled.  "No.  You're not stealing me from anyone," she replied as she took the hand he held out and stood. He sounded nervous for some odd reason but Marie-Laure managed to keep her mouth shut on the matter and asked something else instead. "Have you had many dances tonight so far?"

"It's nice to know that I'm not stealing you away from anyone," he said softly. He didn't have to worry about some other boy getting angry with him for stealing his date. "I haven't had many, I've mostly just sat at a table and watched everyone else." He wanted to leave early, but that wouldn't make him feel any better. No matter where he was or what he was doing, he couldn't change the fact that he thought he was on a date with Sawyer a year ago. "So, how has your night been so far?"

He guided her towards the dance floor and then turned to face her. "You look very pretty," he grinned. He put his hands on her waist and tried not to step on her toes. "I must warn you that my dancing skills aren't the best. I will try not to step on your toes, but sorry if I do."

Marie-Laure shook her head at Caleb. "I find it hard to imagine you doing something like that. Aren't you usually on the go?" Hyperactive. That was how she thought of him and yet he just confessed to sitting and watching for most of the night. "It's been good night," she replied. "I like things like this. It gives me a feeling of belonging."

She hadn't ever thought of herself as pretty and opened her mouth to protest. Instead she went onto a different response and just said, "thank you." She smiled at his warning. "At least you have the courage to admit it. People who claim to be good at something when they are not are much worse dance partners." She made a mental note to keep track of where her feet were in comparison to his. "Have you ever tried not to think about it too much and just let your feet move of their own accord?"

"This year has been a little..." What was the word? What word summed up his year? And the last. "...tiring." Feeling sad was tiring him out but he couldn't help it, it was still sad no matter how hard he tried to cheer himself up. "I haven't been myself lately." Only a few people had noticed the seventh year's sudden change. "I guess I'm just not myself, maybe I should come up with a different name." He wasn't being Caleb, he was being someone else. That person needed a name, something that wasn't Caleb. "What name do you think suits me?" Maybe he could get some advice on changing his name. "Belonging?" He was feeling the opposite of her, he didn't want to be there nor did he think he belonged there. "I guess what happened last year made me not want to be here."

"If I didn't say it then you'd be furious that I didn't tell you and that I stepped on your feet. Stepping on feet hurts, so if you do get mad I understand." He was just rambling, he didn't know what else to do. If he stopped talking even he would just think back to the year before and he didn't want to that. "I have to focus on something other than focusing on the fact that Sawyer doesn't like me," he blurted out. He bit his tongue and groaned. Why did he have to say things out loud? "I didn't mean to say that," he said softly. "I'm just out of sorts about things and not myself. So, I'm sorry if I do or say something that makes you angry."

"Tiring? I'd think most of us will find this year tiring. Final year and all." She pursed her lips and nodded at his other words. "Not yourself," she mused. "Perhaps it's just growing up." Without knowing more about his situation there wasn't much more Marie-Laure could guess at as to why he did feel the way he did. "Changing your name just because you don't feel yourself is a silly reaction. Just make a new meaning of what it means to be Caleb Miller." She may have been blunt and possibly lacking in tact but Marie-Laure was not going to tip-toe around sensitivities. She shrugged at his question. "I don't belong anywhere. Not here. Not at home. I just exist and do whatever needs doing." She gave him a puzzled look. "So you're focused on something which happened last year as a reason to not want to be here now? We'll be gone in a matter of months so you should put what happened last year behind you and focus on the future."

Okay. That was not something she expected Caleb to say and Marie-Laure blinked at his outburst. "Well think about something not related to him or where you're putting your feet." She was not going to pry into Caleb's business. All this liking so and so and getting all upset over them not liking you back made her relieved that she didn't feel that way about anyone she knew. Her head was already in enough of a mess. It didn't need anything more in it mucking her up. "You haven't made me angry. It sounds like the angry one here is yourself."

"The thing is, I don't want to grow up. I want to stay a kid forever," he said softly. "Like that story about the boy who never grew up and stayed a kid forever." He had forgotten the name of the story, but he was sure that she might know what he was talking about. "So, even if I change my name, I'll still be Caleb?" There was no way he couldn't be Caleb then. Even if he changed his name, he'd still be Caleb. Maybe that wasn't so bad after all. "I bet you do belong somewhere, once you graduate you'll feel like a new person. Are you comfortable in your own skin? Or do you wish you were someone else? Because if you're not comfortable with yourself, you won't be comfortable with any of the things you do. Once you're comfortable with yourself, you'll feel much better."

He remembered meeting her for the first time in the book shop, it seemed like she didn't like him at first. "You wanna know what I see?" He smiled down at the girl, he wasn't feeling so sad anymore. He would do whatever to make someone else happy. "I see a very pretty girl that is going places. You have the right attitude and you're not going to let anyone get in your way. I bet you're going to be very successful in life."

"I'm not angry anymore," he said softly. "It's just time to face facts, he doesn't like me. I need to find someone that does." He paused for a moment as he avoided stepping on the girl's foot. "Besides, it's very rude of me to talk about someone else in front of the person I'm dancing with."

"That's a silly attitude. Everyone's got to grow up eventually. Even you." He was fighting what was happening to him. She was sure he was. "Peter Pan and he is a different case since he never grew up in more than one way. You go like him and you'll find all your friends are grown up and you've been left behind. If you'll still be Caleb then why change your name in the first place?" He really made no sense at all. "Of course I'm comfortable with myself. I'm just not comfortable with the environment I've been thrust into. It's not me. I was put into a place I neither expected nor wanted and then things got really complicated and I don't like it one bit."

She opened her mouth to protest but then shut it again as she had no clue what she thought of the things Caleb just said. "I don't know where I'm going," she said quietly after a moment's thought. "No clue what I wish to do after graduation or where I want to be." And that terrified the witch.

"Just make sure you like them too," she advised. "No point in settling if you don't feel the same way." Marie-Laure shook her head. "It'd be ruder if you pretended the reason you asked me to dance with you was because you liked me."

Confusing people was something Caleb was good at, even if he didn't mean to. It just came naturally. "I want to be Peter Pan, but I want all my lost boys to stay with me." He would be lying if he said he'd rather be alone than to grow up. He needed his friends and family, they were all so important to him. "If I'm still Caleb, then that means everyone is still themselves." If he changed who he was, would the people he knew change with him? "Well, you should find somewhere where you're comfortable. If not, you'll just be very cranky and not like anything."

"You still got time to decide," he said softly. Sure it wasn't all the time in the world, but it was still some time to decide things. "Time helps, but don't worry yourself too much."

"Who said I didn't like you? You're a pretty awesome person. I think you're very pretty and you have your moments when you're very nice. You always have helpful information and you don't care what others think. You're a pretty cool person, so it's not hard for anyone not to like you." Maybe he had confused what she meant by 'liking' but he was still being honest. It was being to get confusing for him, he wasn't sure who he had feelings for anymore. He thought he liked Quinn and Paige, but those crushes stopped when the two began to date. Now he wasn't sure who he liked or who liked him. "Do you like me?"

"But what if they don't want to stay with you?" she asked. "And who says growing up means you can't be yourself? People grow and change all the time but it doesn't mean they are no longer themselves. All adults were once children. That doesn't mean they are no longer the same people they were when they were our age." She shook her head at his advice. "But it isn't as simple as that is it? Once we've graduated I can decide where I want to be but right now I don't have a choice do I?" The cranky thing really got to her. Had she really been that bad? When she thought over the past seven years she could pick out the moments of happiness because they'd been so rare. Much rarer than before the day of the letter.

She felt frustrated with Caleb's words. Did he truly understand nothing or was it all an act? "There are different types of likes. You can't claim to like me in the way you liked Sawyer can you? Because whilst I do like you it isn't in that way either. You can be very frustrating and immature but I still consider you a friend." She completely ignored the compliment he gave her because Marie-Laure wasn't at all sure whether she believed him or not. She wasn't even sure if she thought she was pretty. All those freckles she hated and yet there were things about her looks she liked.

"If they don't want to stay, I wouldn't make them. It would be wrong of me to stand in the way of someone's dreams and life." Maybe that's why things didn't work out with Sawyer, he going into adulthood at the time after all. Maybe he was just busy preparing for his new life. That was the only hope that Caleb had over that subject. "If I'm not childish, I'm not Caleb. I've always been the same and I don't want to change." Change wasn't something he took lightly, everyone seemed to be changing around him. It made his head spin, he wanted to go back to being a first year. "Do you not like Beauxbatons? Or is it just your home life that you don't fancy? Or both?" She seemed like the type that liked to be alone, the opposite of Caleb.

"My feeling are a mess at the moment, ask me how I feel about you at the end of the year." Maybe then he'd have his head cleared. "Frustrating? I dodnt know I was frustrating," he said sofly. Of course he knew he annoyed a few people, but it still bothered him to hear it. "I'm sorry." His voice was no louder than a whisper. He managed to dip the girl without dropping or hurting her. A smile spread across his face. "Maybe I'm not as bad as I thought I was." He kissed her cheek as if he was thanking her for him trying out the move.

Marie-Laure raised her eyebrows at his insistence on staying childish. "It sounds like to me that you are fighting against the inevitable." As sure as the days and years turned everyone had to grow up eventually even those as immature as Caleb. "To be honest there are some changes I don't like and that's my life. You don't want to grow up. I never wanted to change from what I knew." Her voice lowered, "even if my life was a lie." And considering what her answer was to the goblet on her first day at Beauxbatons that admission scared her. How had she gone from hating lies to wishing she were still ignorant about the lies told to herself?

"Okay. If I remember I'll ask," she promised. And she had a feeling she was very unlikely to forget this conversation. "No need to apologise. My own mother told me I have a ridiculously low tolerance for the failings of others and blind to my own." She still couldn't work out what those failings were since her mother refused to tell her. Marie-Laure gave an exclamation of surprise at the dip and then smiled at Caleb's success at not managing to drop her or step on her feet. "I told you not to think to hard," she replied. "Keep that up and you'll be dancing all the boys and girls off their feet."

"I guess I am," he admitted. "I'm just not ready to grow up, you know? You have to live on your own and you fend for yourself." He wasn't ready to give up on his mother's fresh baked cookies and her warm hugs. He would still see his mother but it would be way different from living at home. "Sometimes change is good," he stated. "But I don't know what your changes are so I couldn't say if they are good or bad. Plus, everyone has a different point of view. My view of the situation could be way different than yours." He was one to give his all and put everything into something, if something didn't go right her would overrate in some way. He didn't think he cried as much as he used to, but he did cry over some things.

"If you don't remember then you'll never get your answer. I can hardly remember what I had for breakfast this morning." He was always forgetting something important or unimportant. "How blunt to talk about a mother," he said softly. "Do you like chocolate chip cookies? My mother makes the best. If you do then I can ask her to mail me some and we can share." He shrugged his shoulders softly. "Sometimes you can only see what you want, sometimes it's hard to see what you've done wrong." He could think back on all the times he had messed up something or broken an object.

"Really?" he grinned. Was he really that good? His grin grew wider as he decided to give the girl a twirl then pull her back to him. Only, it wasn't as smooth as he planned. The twirl had been okay, but when he pulled her back towards him, his forehead bumped into hers. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean for that to happen!" Without thinking, he placed a kiss to her forehead. Kisses made everything better. "I'm sorry again, you're not two!" He was so used to kissing his little sister Kayla's boo-boos that he forgot that you weren't supposed to do that with older people. "I'm sorry if I crossed any boundaries, I didn't mean to. Sometimes I do things without thinking and it usually gets me into trouble or something shocking happens."

"No. I don't know," she replied honestly. Marie-Laure didn't have a clue what it was like to want to remain childish. She shrugged. "Sounds ideal to me." Much more ideal than living in a flat with her parents who acted like newly weds. Though considering how long they had been apart it was perhaps a little bit understandable. She shrugged. "I doubt you would even understand if I told you what those changes were." After all how many people went through their childhood thinking their mother was dead to learn later she wasn't?

Marie-Laure shook her head. "I will remember. Unlike some people I remember important details as well as not so important. For example, I had honey on toast and an apple for breakfast." She softly snorted. "My mother lost that right long ago," she said with resentment in her voice. "They're okay. Good to have when my grandfather hasn't sent over some of his most recent pastries." For once Caleb may have said something wise. "I might have to spend some time reflecting on my actions." It couldn't be too hard could it?

The witch winced at the bump to the head. "Maybe you should practice a little more before experimenting with a living human being," she suggested. The kiss on the forehead was a little weird but Marie-Laure couldn't say she hated it. She wasn't sure at all what she thought of that. "This time you won't get into trouble but maybe you need to pause a little more often before acting. The next person might not be so forgiving."

"I guess we'd have to hang out more if you were to find out how to stay young," he replied. Or at least act young. The idea sounded great to the seventh year. Teaching someone to stay young seemed like the perfect idea for him. "I could try, then again I don't understand a lot of things. Like, why aren't clouds made of cotton candy? And why was my brother a squib and not me? If my family is pureblood, why did magic skip my brother and go straight to me?" He would have loved to go to Beauxbatons with his brother, even if he was a lot older. "I find myself asking questions all the time, I just don't get the answer sometimes."

"Well, I'm glad you'll remember. Just make sure to catch up with me before we leave so I can tell you." He was glad that they were having a real conversation instead of just dancing and not saying anything. "The right to be called a mother?" he asked softly. "Have you given her a chance? Maybe there's a reason for whatever she's done." He loved chocolate chip cookies and he believed that his mother made the best. "I'll have to ask my mother to deliver some."

"I'm sorry," he repeated. He hadn't meant to hurt his dancing partner. "Okay, maybe I should just keep things simple instead of trying new things." He nodded in response and let out a sigh of relief. She wasn't mad at him, that was great. "Once I accidentally kissed Quinn without thinking," he admitted. "I think thinking before acting is best. But sometimes I forget."

"But what if I don't want to find out how to stay young?" she asked.  Why won't Caleb let the whole idea of living a Peter Pan existence go?  It was a story and not reality.  He was going to look a right fool when he was old and grey if he continued to act so childishly.  "Why would being grown up mean you have all the answers?" she asked.  "I know I've heard somewhere something about there always being something new to learn.  I can't remember but I have heard and believe it.  There's no point continuing on living if you did have all the answers.  There would be nothing new to discover."  She deliberately avoided the actual questions but was sure it was implied that she didn't have the answers to his questions.  Squibs were still something fairly new to her experience.  She hadn't met any but she had only recently heard of their existence.  As for the clouds well that was just silly.  Hadn't he learnt anything about them and the water cycle before coming to Beauxbatons?

She snorted.  "I know the answer. She was a coward and ran away and now she comes back and expects to have the right to mother me.  Thirteen years too late!"  Marie-Laure had tried but she still struggled to get past that one fact.  Her mother was not there when she needed her most and nothing could make up for that loss.  "You don't have to do that."

Marie-Laure smiled and nodded.  "It might be safer to practice the other move first before attempting the more complicated ones," she suggested. She wasn't about to get mad because of an accident.  The pain was already going.  "It might be safer to wait until you know someone wants to be kissed. One day you might get slapped for forgetting to think first."

"Then I guess you'll just grow old." He couldn't change how people felt about growing up so he wouldn't press the subject anymore. "I guess adults don't know everything, but they sure do know a lot more than me." Then again, a lot of people were smarter than him. "These question may not have answers, but at least I asked them." He didn't really mind if he never got his questions answered. He'd probably forget the answers anyways.

"I may not understand how you feel, but it's always nice to forgive someone." You couldn't choose your family, but you can choose to love them. Forgive them. Like them. "I'm not saying you have to forgive her, but it would be nice to start over. You don't want to hold the hate in all your life, it'll only make you feel bad." He didn't hate, no matter what someone did. "You shouldn't let people get in the way of your happiness."

He nodded. "Okay, I'll make sure to take it slowly." He needed to learn to think before acting, it was always so hard for him to do. "Do you want to be kissed?" he blurted out, he hadn't thought. Again. He had done it again, he had down something without thinking. At least he didn't act on it and kissed her, then she'd probably hate him. She wouldn't have been his first friend he kissed. "Was that out of line? I'm sorry, I'm acting without thinking again."

"The only people who don't grow old are those who die young." And to die young sounded tragic to Marie-Laure. A life cut short with nothing much for others to remember them by. The things they never got to experience. That was much more tragic than growing up.

Marie-Laure seriously wanted to change the topic. She hated the guilt she felt at the way she withheld forgiveness from her mother for abandoning her. It was too hard to forgive a woman who'd missed all her childhood birthdays and milestones. "Forget it," she snapped. "I can't forgive. It's too hard." All of it was one big mess and Marie-Laure could not get rid of the wish deep within that she'd never known the truth.

Caleb really was in top form tonight with all his impulsiveness in full force. His question though left Marie-Laure with a small issue of not knowing how to answer him. She wasn't normally this indecisive. "It would have been more out of line if you hadn't asked," she replied, "and I think...I think...I'll pass on the offer." Was that regret she felt. No. Just uncertainty which had not disappeared despite having given Caleb an answer. Then guilt for not being completely honest with him.

Caleb remembered visiting the graveyard, he had seen so many graves. Some where of people who had died younger, some were a bit older. It was always sad to see someone die, especially when they die young. He hadn't known anyone that had died young and he didn't want to know anyone either. "Poor people," he said softly. He had stuck candy in front of the graves in the Village. He thought it was a nice thing to do.

"You forgave me for kissing your forehead." His voice was no louder than a whisper. "Then again, those are two different situations. One is much harder than the other. I can't tell you what to do, but some weight would be lifted if you do decide to forgive the people who have wronged you." You couldn't fight fire with fire, it only made things worse.

He shrugged slightly and grinned. "I'm glad I wasn't out of line," he admitted. But he wondered what it would be like to kiss her, but he'd just be using her to figure it out. His feelings were out of whack and the things he did or said that he wouldn't normally do or say weren't him at all. He couldn't figure out what he felt or who he felt for, who he loved or who he liked. "Have I ever said I liked your freckles?" He was a topic hopper, his attention span only lasted for a couple of minutes. "'Cause I like them." He grinned and traced his thumb across her cheek. "Imperfections are perfection."

"I know you're right but it's not easy," she replied. Whenever she felt like she was close to doing just as Caleb suggested a memory of something her mother missed would rise up. Achievements. Good things someone else said of her. The bad things when she could have done with a mother instead of having to wait for an aunt or grandmother to have time to listen to her woes. Everything was missing.

What was it with people and her freckles? Marie-Laure understood more the ones who ridiculed them but others like Caleb and Paige seemed to think they were great. It was something Marie-Laure never could quite figure out. "Imperfections are perfections," Marie-Laure muttered in repetition of his words though in a less believing tone. "I'm not at all certain that is correct." In fact she was more than sure it was utterly wrong. Why else were there magazines giving advice on how to conceal them? It never worked but it was there telling her exactly what she knew. They were unsightly blemishes on her skin.